Things Women Say That Piss Off Men: Money

"You don’t make enough money."

That's not enough

Actually, she’ll never come out and say this to you. She’ll infer it; you’ll understand it; but it’ll never be said. You’ll finally get it after she leaves you for another guy. After, of course, taking you for what little you’ve got.

This is when a woman is at her worst. She sees a guy with no funds to make her happy in the manner to which she’s become accustomed, but she’ll date him anyway. Why? Any number of reasons. She’s bored. She’s between boyfriends. Her current boyfriend is out of town maybe, and she doesn’t like to be alone. Meanwhile, you spend every penny of your spare cash to take her to nice restaurants, buy her little presents, maybe take a couple of trips. But as that credit card balance is going up, her respect for you is plummeting. 

I know you’re not getting any

You don’t make enough money for her. Your clothes show it, your friends show their lack of sophistication, and your apartment looks like it was modeled from a college dorm. You have gotten rid of those cheesecake posters right? The ones with the oily girls…

Your car’s not good enough

Sorry Pard. Time to part with those things. They don’t show your studliness, your appreciation for the female form; they only show that you’re not getting any. Stash them deep in the Man Cave. Same as those Angel/Devil decals on your car. Tacky. You know how you’d feel if your lady drove up with an outline of a guy’s Schnitzel on her back window? Would you want to get in and drive around? Maybe you would. But you'd look like an asshole. Just like you do with your little nude girl decals.

You’re not my daddy

And yes, by the way: your car isn’t quite good enough either.

It’s okay though, all is not lost. You may fall short this time, but don't despair. Take the bruised ego and let her fly once she finds her cash-making Alpha Male. In a few years you’ll marry someone just like her, when she figures out that money wasn’t everything.

Of course by then, she’ll be carrying around Alpha’s kid…

Things Women Say That Piss Off Men: Boyfriend

Thanks for the movie

"My Boyfriend."

Number One. Do I really need to go on? How many of us have started chatting up a girl only to be hit by this bullet? Maybe she was bagging your groceries, maybe counting out your money at the bank. Perhaps she was sitting next to you in your Astronomy class. Whatever she was doing, it was clear that what she was not doing, was going out with you. She was just making that crystal.

But what if she had? What if you secured a date and went out with this girl? There you are, post movie, sharing a couple of coffees and trying to keep the conversation going, then WHAM there it is. "My Boyfriend." What the hell?

Oh, you think, as you try to pull yourself together. After all, you still want to come across as cool and worthy to this babe. Maybe she didn't know this was a date. I didn't make myself clear. I didn't make my motives known. She thought we were two friends going out.

Gosh, a walk on the beach sounds nice…

Bullshit. You and she both knew what this was. When two single people of the opposite sex get together, and to further clarify, when they barely know each other and they go out to share an evening, it's not a business dinner, it's not a coworker convention, it's not a baby shower. It's a date. And this girl just told you that she has no interest in you. None. When she figured that out, was most likely about thirty seconds before she casually worked the word "boyfriend" into the conversation.

So what do you do now? The question is rhetorical, son. Because I'll tell you what you did. You sat there and listened to her stupid chatter, her gassy laughter, her overconfident spew while you licked your emotional wounds and wondered why every girl you go out with has a boyfriend. You paid for the movie, the coffee, and you probably even walked through the mall and bought this twit another little prize to take home with her.

You really don’t have to buy me that ring, but… okay.

Because you're a fool and a glutton for punishment.

What should you have done? Simple. Get up and walk the fuck out. Because this gal is now wasting your time- and your money. You want to be noble? Sure, I can bite. Call her a cab and pay for it. If you don't want to confront this self serving princess on her selfish comment, then excuse yourself, find a waiter, a barista, or the manager, and let him do the dirty work. It's not the first time they'd heard it. Give the guy a good tip on your way out and don't look back. And do not for a moment, believe the movies. There is no second chance with this woman; you will not meet her in a bookstore one day and laugh about your terrible date; you will not end up marrying her and tell your kids how you hated each other at first.

She’ll see what a great guy you are

But let's dissect the above. How did you end up in the situation? Did she drop the BF bomb from the beginning and you continued talking to her? The BF remark should be a big clue: You're Out. Every second more talking to this chick is a second off your life you're not getting back.

If she did, she mentioned him yet you still asked her out, well... you reap what you sow. I know what you thought. You thought, you'll become friends, she'll see what a great guy you are, then one rainy September night, your faces will meet...

You’re a really nice guy

I told you to stay out of the movies. She said she had a boyfriend, you asked her out, you paid for everything because you're just a generous guy, aren't you. But you're not. You had designs. You were lying to her from the beginning about your intentions. You don't care about some guy you haven't seen, you want to slip into her comfort zone any way you can, then pounce. Or as is more your style, hope against hope that she'll do the pouncing.

So does she have a boyfriend? Well, there's a slim chance that if you thought she was attractive enough to start wishing that boyfriend was you, then, yes. She does. And either he doesn't know about her soirees or he's dumb enough to believe that every male friend of hers that he's never met is gay. Why she went out with you in spite of the guy is a many sided apeirogon (look it up). Maybe she's bored (the winner). Could be she's looking for someone just a little better- oh- and you're not it. She may just hate being alone. It doesn't matter, does it?

But if she's in that danger zone, that fifteen minutes ladies experience between boyfriends when they're just out there accepting free dinners and presents dates, then no, she doesn't have a boyfriend. She told you she does, because she knows that boyfriend, wherever he may be and whenever he shows up in her life, will never be you.

Your boyfriend.

Indeed.

Dogs, Cats and Babies

When you need a babysitter, and your friends flake out, who's always been there for you?

That's right. And don't forget it.

So when you come back from a night out and you don't feel so well, who will be there to make sure you're taken care of?

They were always there for you.

Now it's your turn to be there for them.

Casey Anthony Mask Sells for nearly $1 Million on eBay

From The Inquisitr: In the item description of the latex mask, the seller said it was one of only nine “sculpted to precision for a parody video by enigmatic pop artist/sculptor Torro.”

The Vid

“Forget Freddy, Jason, Meyers, here’s your chance to scare the shit out of everyone and win every costume contest with this amazing Tot Mom latex rubber mask, possibly the most frightening mask on the planet. And I can almost guarantee it’s the ‘only’ Casey mask on the planet,” the eBay description read.

The mask itself shows a relatively expressionless Anthony – a look that she became famous for as she stood on trial for the the death of her 2-year-old daughter Caylee – staring straight ahead, lips and mouth closed and her hair tied back in her signature pony tail.

Metaphor for the Justice System

The winning 105th bid, which was placed on Wednesday at 6:33pm EST, was totaled at $999,900. The buyer’s identity was kept confidential by eBay for obvious reasons –  he/she has more money than sense.

Where my baby at

-Just another reminder that life isn't fair: Casey Anthony agreed to an interview, for which she will be paid 1 Million dollars for her time. *Update That particular piece of news turned out to be bullshit. However, our gal is apparently holding for 1.5 mil. Stay tuned.

And, for those of you looking for "Hot Casey Anthony Photos..." Look here and that's all I'm giving you.

Love and Marriage in Southern California

Three Tales of Love Gone Astray

*Remember: these people all thought they were in love once, and this person was the one for them...

Let's settle this like adults

Constantino Monterrosas Gamez Accused of Setting Wife on Fire as They Sped 65 to 70 mph on Interstate 

Always carry spare gasoline

Constantino Monterrosas Gamez, 39, and his 23-year-old wife were heading south on the I-15 in his 2002 Chevrolet S-10 pickup when they got into some kind of dispute. Just north of Temescal Canyon Road in Corona, Gamez is accused of dousing the Mrs. with gasoline and flicking a cigarette lighter to torch her.

As the pickup continued speeding at 65 to 70 mph, she opened the door and jumped. Gamez continued heading south for a short stretch before losing control of the truck and slamming into the back of a garbage truck.

Neither Gamez nor the garbage truck driver were hurt, but Gamez's wife obviously suffered injuries from being burned and slamming into the pavement.

Amazingly, she is expected to recover, according to the California Highway Patrol. 

Gamez was arrested at the scene by CHP officers and booked into the Presley Detention Center in Riverside on suspicion of attempted murder, domestic violence, kidnapping, false imprisonment and making criminal threats. Bail was set at $1 million.

Update October 26, 2011: Constantino pled guilty as part of a plea agreement and received just over 15 years in prison. Governor Jerry Brown is expected to immediately commute his sentence and give him a scholarship to the California State University of his choice.

I just ain't good enough for ya Baby Doll

Man Fights With Estranged Wife Then Sets Himself on Fire

A 50-year-old Rancho Santa Margarita man attempted suicide by setting himself on fire.

The Orange County Sheriff's Department and Orange County Fire Authority responded to a call that came in around 11:15 p.m. Friday from a neighbor who heard the man screaming on the deck of his condominium on Blue Oak.

The victim, who had doused himself with gasoline, was rushed to Western Medical Center's burn unit, where he was treated for second- and third-degree burns all over his body.

According to the sheriff's department, the man was listed in critical condition with injuries that could cost him his life.

He earlier argued with his estranged wife at her residence before returning to his condo and setting himself ablaze in the bedroom.

No one else was injured. The man's condo is in the middle of a three-unit building, but the condos on either side of his were not damaged.
 

Man's penis cut off, put through garbage disposal

48 year old Cougar, recently separated, seeks friend, possibly more

A Southern California woman was in custody Tuesday after authorities said she drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed, cut off his penis and put it through a garbage disposal.

Garden Grove police Lt. Jeff Nightengale said that Catherine Kieu Becker drugged a meal and served it to the victim, whose name was not released, shortly before the attack Monday night.

Nightengale said the 51-year-old man felt sick, went to lie down and lost consciousness. The 48-year-old Becker then tied the victim's arms and legs to the bed with rope, removed his clothes and attacked him with a 10-inch kitchen knife as he awoke, Nightengale said.

"He was conscious when his penis was removed," Nightengale said.

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